Wednesday, July 13, 2011


As all my nearests & dearests know- I do not do much of talking on the phone. I'm a texter or a social-networker....

I don't know if I have ever been much of a phone-talker. Maybe once in awhile. But I am definitely not now. And maybe I won't ever be. On the rare occasion I will have a long conversation & actually enjoy it- but that is NOT the norm.

I have issues with phonecalls.

I have been in emotionally abusive relationships that have been UNHEALTHY for me- and one of the triggers of taking me back to that dark place in my life is when people expect me to answer my motherfucking phone. Especially men. There are a VERY select few that I will answer when they call. I have had people who are really obsessive & even when I try to make clear boundaries- they ignore & continue to try to press into my life. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I feel like I am suffocated & strangled.


I need a punching bag. And I need to work out more of my seething hate & anger. I am most angry at myself for getting through this much of my life & just figuring out how to start standing up for myself & not let myself get bullied into situations. It took almost dying to figure this out. NEVER AGAIN.


Anonymous said...

Hi Tanya, that anger you are feeling can be self destructive, I know only too well. Good to see that you too have at last realised that we don't have to take all the bullshit we are fed by the male of the species! Stand up for what you believe in. I have finally started to do this myself and it's a wonderful feeling to realise that you've finally arrived at the place in your life when you can stand up for yourself. At 54 I felt it was almost too late for me, but you still have a lifetime ahead of you so don't let the anger, turn you sour, go out and enjoy life for what it is..... YOUR LIFE!!
And that punch bag, I can recommend it. I found one at a friends house a week or so ago and what a great feeling to knock 7 bells out of it, thinking it was someone you really despised. But because it's just a punch bag, you can take out your anger, relieve your stress and beat the crap out of someone without touching them and getting onto the wrong side of the law. Amazing!!!!
Keep up the blog, I'm loving it xxx

Melissa Dey Hasbrook said...

dear tanya, i've been awol for a long while. glad to catch up on your writing journey. yes find productive outlets for the emotions - exercise is a release, punch bags and all :-). i continue learning ways to release my emotions, which often peak with surprises and those triggers you mention. love and light to you, mel