After a day to process what was suggested to me yesterday, I am calm enough to not be a bitch & post anything that would piss anyone off, but rather post a note that implores anyone reading this to perhaps explain what may have been meant by what was said to me...
Old friends of the family (a married couple) stopped by to say hello & see how we were all doing. The husband was sweet as always & complimented me on how great I look- green hair & all... The wife, who had just learned from my mother, that I was having a bunch of complications with my ankle asked me straight off the bat if I had green hair when I had my surgery (like somehow that would excuse my surgeon from not doing his job properly). She then told me the root of my problems was unforgiveness.
I gently reminded her that I was a nurse & know how some things work around the healthcare system, and felt that no matter what color my hair was, that should not cause my orthopedic surgeon to do a half-ass job & continue to ignore the problems I was having. I also pointed out that my hair was not green. However, I did not tell her my hair was blue at the time of my surgery. Through out the conversation, she kept looking at me disapprovingly (perhaps not- perhaps her face is just a scrunchy unhappy face. maybe I shouldn't be so judgemental of her face...). I had greeted her with a hug, and I think being hugged by such a freak scared her. (I'm really not a freak- sometimes I even forget my hair is a bright color that isn't in the "normal range"...)
She pointed out that diseases are linked to unforgiveness. I can buy this to a certain point. However, my ankle problems stem from a chunk of bone that is jammed up in the joint... The pain is valid, and not necessarily because I haven't forgiven the surgeon who failed to notice it or even listen to my complaints of pain...
Perhaps my unforgiveness is not for the surgeon- but for those who have done me wrong. Ok. I can even buy that. But I do not think God would continue punishing me. I am REALLY working on forgiving all the motherfuckers who have wronged me. If I am working on truly forgiving this people, why would God continue plaguing me with problems?
I do believe that there is a spiritual component to total wellness. But I think as long as we are working on our troubles & attempting to live a more loving & peaceful life, we will continue to see things around us improve. I really do not believe God is using me as a punching bag... Right? Although, sometimes I do question why I am being put through the trials & tribulations time & time again, when others who are BAD get to skip through life footloose & fancy-free. Hmmmmm.
As I was listening to her go on about forgiveness & disease processes (i didn't have the heart to tell her my ankle wasn't from disease- it was because I fell & broke it -oh wait, forgive me, perhaps God was pushing me down???) I noticed that she must be close to 60 yrs old. She didn't have a single gray hair on her head. Either she plucked out the gray, or God was really giving her a youthful look by keeping her hair blonde. I was tempted to ask for her hair stylist's number. I think she might be dying her hair. So what makes my green hair so devilish, when she is just as much of a poser? How is she better than me? Why is it my sin she is trying to figure out??? And how dare she try to judge me when she has NO idea what i have been through & what has happened to me? What a unloving bitch. *sigh*
What happened to the law of love?
Word up yo, here's the lowdown- Jesus was good friends w/ Mary Magdalene. She was the town prostitute. Jesus loved her for who she was, and offered a better life through love & kindness. I don't think he wants all of us to be hookers, but he isn't going to shun us away for having sin in our life. No one is perfect.
So once again, I do not think that God thinks I'm a bad person for having green hair. I think God loves me. I also think "God" isn't someone we can put in a box. But that is another rant for another day.
4 comments:
Seriously - if there is a god - do you think he gives a shit that you have green hair? Honestly. There are bigger things going on in the world hun.
What a douche bag - people like that fuck me off. I've been having a lot of 'religious' conversations with people lately since I've started revealing that I'm an atheist - I'm sure people now think that I'm sick because I don't believe in god. If it's true then smite me down! love ya! Polly xxxx
I love you Polly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 xxxxxxxx
dearest tanya, the woman clearly has her insecurities, which she puts on others who reflect back to her the ongoing wrestling matches within herself.
when she spoke of forgiveness, where was she coming from? from your post it seems that she implied you haven't and ought to forgive the surgeon who had a hand in this. and what corner/ camp of forgiveness is she referencing?
while i do believe that our physical health is tied to our emotional and spiritual health, i don't things are so simply construed as A+B=C. often the situation is layered and cumulative when the body manifests an imbalance of our mind, heart, and soul. if interested, check out carolyn miss, medical intuitive.
without knowing the woman's frame of reference about forgiveness, i can't respond directly to what she may have been implying. but i do find in my own life that forgiveness of myself and others - and typically the two are linked - is an ongoing lifelong lesson, opportunity. so while the woman may have meant a completely other thing by bringing up forgiveness, the word brings up resonance in my own spiritual-practical framework.
as for the jesus context, i recall the story of the woman accused of adultery, who jesus intervened from being stoned, pointing out to the would-be killers something like, 'let the one without sin be the first to cast the stone.' the point here isn't who has a right to stone, rather no one does; point being that we're equal as humans, beings.
oops that's caroline myss
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